So deep pain happening to me, the guy, Serious Cat. Once when time not come to memory so clearly, i finding I recently fall in love again. The matter of the heart, I wish not explore anymore, after big breakup the thing happening to me, the devastation of mind and soul, I to start drinking heavily again. I remembering when purchase US five thousand dollar of import vodka from amazon.com, from Russia, after which I buy plane ticket from California to Argentina to allowing the thing of recovery and time to heal deep pain.
As you know, I are Serious Cat, accomplisher of many things in lifetime, holder of 2 P.H.D Degrees and Master in Astro-Physics. Write many articles for Scientific American, NASA observer, and Wall Street Journal. (I digress, not want to go into lifetime portfolio right now, but its important for explanation of the issue).

As I saying before, buying the ticket from California to Argentina, then CIA kidnapping me on aeroplane and say to me "Serious Cat, needing of your help in South Pole Research Station, immediately, not to be question right now. You must come with us. Must traveller to South Pole Research Station, with team of 22 Scientist".
At present time at the time when thing happen, the depression of my heart say "ok, go ahead, help CIA bastard again, maybe help you with grieving of injury heart." So I say "Ok, I help you, on condition you supply vodka". I remember, this during time of May 13th, year of 2007. After the traveller to south pole by U.S. Military aeroplane,

I arrive, and ofcourse the other scientist arriving too. I recognize many, some I work with in past, some good history, some not so good. The team consisting of Theodore De La Platta (Italy), Enzo Milano (Italy), Mirko Filipovic (Croatia) Andrei Kirilinko (Russia) Karlo Stajner (Yugoslavia), only few names i name.
I arrive, Amundsen-Scott Research Station, at south pole. Briefly informed, although the intoxication strong inside, I listen. After much jabber of astro-physics from NASA scientists I say already "I know already, I know already, You, not to teach me of astro physics please, insult of intellect, I shall leave immediately". Much arguement happening, and then they to inform that mysterious object has traveller from the milky-way planet of Jupiter, is estimation to hit northern Alaska, close to point barrow.
I show you picture:

Picture of Alaska I show you, they say must to traveller there for study of object. Much issue arising inside of me, as you know, Alaska very close to Russia, country where I Flee from during war-time. Bad memory coming to me, as bad feeling, and the apathy of the soul take place in me. Not much interest in study of mysterious object at present times.

How I should say.. Life in Antarctica much difficult. Vodka is not much left, and the bordom happening to me. When the thing of bordom happen, the mind begin wandering, rememberer of times of not so good. It's true when I say, Late at night time, I awake to user of the bathroom, to find Russia scientist Andrei Kirilinko making sex with female NASA scientist at south pole base. I take pictures, I show later.

in time of 2 hours, to board plane and traveller to Point Barrow, Alaska. Much anxiety to be too close to Russia, much nostalgia of 1972 war with afghanistan come back to me.. memory of my friend Ferdinand and ex-wife Ekaterina too... It's difficulty for me to say, but at present times, not so happy.

I writing more for the future
Serious Cat
~2009

To any soul that cares I breathe, I are Serious Cat, now finding to sufferer severe despair. Fang of the black night now puncture the heart of me, big boom happening. Now on voyage to uncharted territory of map of the end of the night, dark matter now fill the inside of me. So much pressure, you know?.. so much pressure happening in the life of me, also release valve malfunctioning. Not finding any release. No.

Behold, I the guy, Serious Cat, now abandoned the self to the night. Total dark, deep pain, also am unsure, the time for hanging onto integrity now passe. Do not need it anymore! Wartime memory now come back, but convolution of the mind happen also. Not to think clearly now, also not to breathe clearly now. Not even thinking.
So much time now passing, regrettable is the journey that which began in manhattan, state of new york of Amerika, that which I was serious cat, leave by boat the country to go to different country, now to an end it has become.

I residing in coast of Amalfi (Italia) in recent present time. The story I have to say is true, so please to listen. The guy, I now needing a serious help.
By train I travel from Zagreb, croatia, having many business meetings. The traveller of entrepreneur. I go from country to another the country, big business happening. Been very busy. Meeting with companies, meeting with politicians, meeting with governments, i traveller from meeting to meeting. Croatia, Cuba, Yugoslavia, Grand Cayman Islands, having meetings. France, Yuganda, Iceland I traveller all over, now in Amalfi (Italy), 2 weeks ago after big meeting, I take long walk to ease the stress of the mind down old street. No, 3 weeks ago now.
2 miles happening, but no, continuer to walk. 3 miles, 4 miles.. 5 miles... 7 miles I walk, to see old grandmother has fallen from balcony. Big problem. I are Serious Cat, am are also physician. Did you know I study 16 years at the location, the place, Universete de Francais? I have PHD, you know? Am doctor. I see old grandmother, so naturally I assess it as situation. It happening naturally in me. I always say myself " Not to become involved in affairs of humanity, deep pain lies in the bossom of humanity the obscene, big whore". I train 16 years though, situationing assesement is natural to me, so I do what happen subconciously in me when seeing old grandmother on floor.
....I diagnose.
I make the choice of mankind, the choice to diagnose, i now becoming involved in situation. After I making my declaration to the state, I say the situation is happening here "Everybody please to stand back! Am doctor here! Can not take breathe!" I diagnose situation, declare something happening because old lady fall, and leave. Now everybody in Amalfi, Le coat de Azur, see my power and want healing. The hotel room outside the door became big populace of people of pain, of injury. Many people flying, even from the Ivory Coast, because rumor has spread, Serious Cat, P.H.D, now located in Amalfi, come to see me. I treat many patient, but you know, my purpose not for doctoring, my purpose for world meetings, so I not carry proper papers. Not having Identification of doctoral, also not have license. Disgruntled the people, they make report of fame of me to international Police, and they come to my door, interpol, and they see me the guy, serious cat, with patient, my long white hair and green eyes, they thinking I madman. Now confined at institution, not believer of me as big doctor.

Recently at present times, the introversion happening strongly in me, usually in past accompanying despair (maybe delirium). I think myself "what are I doing here?" "The purpose is what?" I astonish because now at more mature of age, the epiphany happened. Human from earth planet become blind to matters of the heart, only when the age of it grows older. Older one human becoming, more lost in the heart it becomes. The epiphany helped the guy, Serious Cat through realization why I prisoner of own mind. So easy to fall backwards through the floor, and forwards to the back. So true when I tell you, the astonish come to me when I realize that love is lost the seeds of time. I forgetting the thing of love. With this realization, start thinking of past times, maybe when in school, I was the guy with ability of love, romance. I remember the scent of love. Same thing, the scent of grass after summer rain come. Same scent, do you know? I remember the love of many earth female. Ekaterina Dashkova, april 32, 1974. Okhotsk, Sibera but I digress. Despair happen for what it realizes what it has lost. capability to live with romance, the fantasy of love. Although now blind to matters of the heart, so true, time spent of many years walking blind.

At times many months of ago now they are passed, I traveller across ocean to reaching destination Norfolk Island. Grand invitation come to me, the guy, serious cat, norfolk government wanting me inhabit island. Soon only when man's heart grows cold, one sees true intentions of other man's ways. Norfolk wanted Serious Cat was trap by NKVD, Russian Police. I tell briefly of what happened, because the matter is at present times, I of unrest in the mind of me. Forgive the thoughts not coming more clearer.
Discoverer the trap of Norfolk, I manage to escape barely. By boat I travel to Mongolia. When I say before, is true. Not stranger to Mongolia. When arrival of Mongolia, old war time friend Karlo Stajner (the guy spent 7000 days in siberia, not lying. the guy, publish book on his experience name is "7000 days in siberia" recommend the read), his wife contacting me, saying "Serious Cat, come to Croatia, with train ticket". I begin the train, only after 112 miles train is now malfunction. With no money for shuttle ride, i begin the walk. Friends I tell you now, if ever in Mongolia, especially western Mongolia, Please to not walk through Gobi Desert alone. 64 days I walk through Gobi Desert. Cold desert. Gobi Desert home of many old time cult guys, mostly these days in Mongolia you see people claiming Enochian magic, sometimes they say "ooh, i'm chaos memetician". It's stupid, i try avoid conversation with the guys, especially in the desert. You say you know memetics? I planter more seeds more than John Dee or Samael Aun Weor. I avoid these guys mostly, all 63 days. Except the guy, one man, one guy followed me 24 days in Gobi. I said to him "you get it away from me, not to follow ok?" Relentless. Impossible for me the ability to flee from. Always 10 step behind. The guy every day reciting the lines the Book of Inanities, over and over. I hope the day never come to any guy when guy is exposed to the book. I give warning. Yes, Yes i knowing already, i knowing already, The art of nonsense is profane, I am not the vessel of my self, nor the skeleton of your perception. Get fuck away from me. You the guy, have no liver. so say; say as a girl with ribbons in her serpentine hair. You are my delusion and I am not here nor there nor nowheres in sight. I hear it already you tell me 400 times a day.

Now resider in Zagreb Croatia, only to find the guy Karlo Stajner long time dead. Croatian parliament say "Serious Cat, fear of NKVD for you, we want you to stay with military for the protection". So now I stay at ATJ Lučko base. They provide me with house, and BMW X5. Mostly spend my days browsing forums. Very hard time for guys at FreeForums.org, i check daily the support forum of them, and lots members there don't know how to post thread. Sometimes it gets angry, and I yelling to people. Usually they making the thread like "HELP I THINK FORUM IS HACKED" or "OMG HELP I THINK I BAN MYSELF FROM MY FORUM". I getting angry at that like I try not browsing forums more for 3 hours a day anymore. Croatian doctor say bad the blood pressure. Zagreb is good, the country of Croatia. Not genetically modified organism in the food, unlike Manhattan. The ambition is to come back America, but fear of interception by NKVD when on ship. Lučko guy tell me wait 4 months before attempt voyaging. So I wait now, still flood of memory of love once lost, the heart is cold, still remnant the scents of yesterday. Impossible to forget, yet impossible to feel again, now rest in darkest corner of the mind.

For The Future
Serious Cat

So much time, yet the time not enough. Please for becoming prepared. I having alot to say for a day tomorrow.

Today, the day of which belongs to the month of June, day 04, year 2007. I are Serious Cat. Receiving of letter today from Norfolk Island government. Norfolk Island is in vicinity of the Australia Island, Oceana.

The year 1979, after fleeing wartime Russia, I tell you before in earlier post I travel to France, then to the country known as Algeria, and then to the country formerly known as Africa, I, the guy Serious Cat, when the time was in France, I study at Max-Planck medical school. 2 years of time I there, I study mysterious things of the matter such as connection of astro-physics and medicine. I write the thesis of me, of the relation of astro-physics and 20th century medicine. 1980. Much of many time has passing since the time, but today I receiving the letter from Anfinn Kallsberg, the main guy, prime minister of Norfolk Island.

He reading the thesis of me, and write to me to say, "you the guy". He also say the island of Norfolk requesting Serious Cat to live, and do doctor of small town.

Is good for me, because you know I are evicted, looking for place to move, not liking manhattan, the state of new york any longer. Today I packing of belongings of me, and the guy, Ferdinand, and wait then travel to Norfolk by ship of name Queen Oceana, to the Island Norfolk, around New Zealand, south hemisphere of world.

I write this to say to you, I are serious cat, the guy, it is probable not be able to update the journal for sometime. Not sure if the Norfolk government allows internet.

My friends, you the guys, take care and watch the health of you. I are humbled by you guys. For the future, I talk more with you. Until that time, the future...

For the future
~Serious Cat
2007

I tell you, the guys a few posts ago I was poet romanticism in Russia. I have in past times write love poetry, but after I witnessed the end of the night, the heart has grown cold. I recently making attempt to the activation of romanticism side of me for present time.

The poetry I writing originally been write in Russian, then the babelfish come to translate for me into the English.

You witnessing 1st time since july 28, 1974. attempting of serious cat, the task to writing the love poetry again.
Here the translated version of love poem:

( Love poem )

At times when life is more difficult for me, I sometimes sleepwalker. I are Serious Cat. This morning, the date of the month is May 23, Not positive why the fact that I awaken in laundry room of apartment building... naked, with underwear on my head. It's true, I have began sleepwalking again.

It is also true, I tell you, that Madame Henrouille awaken me in laundry room, screaming. The scream similar of the sound of the Mongoose from the Africa Country. I awake to apologize, and explain that the matter is not the fault of me, but sleep-walkerer.

Still, she not listen. She say to me "You, The guy, Serious Cat, why are your underwear on your head? You are naked! It's illegal! You criminal! Put the clothes on, or I tell the government!"

It's true, I not obtain much sleep, and are rudely awaken. I are serious cat, are now angry. I began yelling, and chase after her while naked. I keep underwear on head, like they do in Mongolia. I have also been in Mongolia, I tell you that story for the future.

Madame Henrouille, running down hallway, screaming the scream of the mongoose. Me, behind chasing, naked with underwear on head. 7:15 AM (Amerika Eastern). Everybody in building now awake, to come out of room, to see what commotion going on. Also the apartment manager awake too. He see me running naked in hallway, he become afraid, go back in apartment and close door.

It is true, I are serious cat, was out of control. The neighbors having to restrain me. The guy with the Greyface from apt 12 come. He man-handling me, he punch me in eye. He say to me "Serious Cat, you must to calm down. You, the guy, are crazy!".

Later that afternoon, The guy, Mr. Ćuéběřţ manager of the apartment. He come to USA from the country named Algeria. He tell me I are evicted. Having 52 days to pack to leave.

I are serious cat.. are thinking to leave Manhattan. I are tired of it, not accommodating to me. Thinking to travel to Los Angeles, the state is California, West Coast of Amerika. We shall see, when the guy, Ferdinand gets out of hospital.

For the future~
Serious Cat
2007

I mention before about the guy, Ferdinand. Friend of 2 decades. I have to get the matter off my chest, I desire to talk about the guy a little. The guy, Ferdinand, like me, I are Serious Cat, have both together travel to the end of the night. Some things a man is not meant to see on this earth-planet. When man see the end of night, the soul becomes aged.

However, the guy Ferdinand, since we meet in trenches, has the self destructive complex. Very misanthropic too. The heart of the guy, has grown cold. It is probably since the day he was born has been cold. Skewed in nature, God releases such a guy like the guy, Ferdinand, into the world. I do not want to understand why.

Ferdinand believing that it's better for man to be exterminated from the Earth planet. Believing that man is a dirty creature, no respect for life. Life of man, or life of animal. That part I agree with, but I digress when I say so, because this thread about the guy Ferdinand, not me. I say earlier.. The guy is skewed in head. This has led the guy to many wrong roads down the road of life. Some of it is true for me too. I digress.

I tell you already that the guy had the hand severed. The left hand. You might find symbolic in the left hand, if you be religious. Maybe God's joke on Ferdinand. Battered by a difficult life of hatred for the things alive, Ferdinand, the guy has become more introverted than the man on his death-bed. Very sad for me. He living in same apartment bulding of me, different floor. Every day I see him, he become crazier, more angry, and verbally abusive toward his land-lord, the mail man, and the milk man. At times, delirious too. I know the matter that which is happening to him. The sub-concious of the guy, Ferdinand, is being projected in front of him, along with all the nightmare it contains. The soul has become shattered...

...And awake in the horror of the night when he sees himself, his truth when he looks back, and sees himself, one of the two looks back, wonders which is real.
It's true, when I tell you, last night I am awaken at 4:52 in the morning amerika eastern time. The guy, madame Henrouille, she living in apartment 37, of the same floor. Awaken me and says to me screaming "You, the one, Serious Cat, The trash of a friend you have named Ferdinand is in trouble.. Come quick and see to him."
I are Serious Cat. I run up the stairs ending at the 7th floor, the floor Ferdinand residing on. I tell you now, the 7th floor is not the place I like to go. Everytime I go, I feel cold chilling on my spine. I approach the door, and open it to find Ferdinand on the floor screaming the pain of a dog who just witnessing the puppies been run over by automobile., and the girlfriend of him on phone calling ambulance.

I find out later, that the guy, my friend, Ferdinand, the curse of God on the land, has been smoking opium leaves, to escape horrors that reside in his soul. After that he gets brilliant idea, to change lightbulbs in the ceiling, however, to change the lightbulb, his friend had to give him ride on his shoulders. His friend was high too! The friend, falls, and Ferdinand, falls from the shoulder of the friend. Ferdinand now has broken hip bone.

Ferdinand, how many times I tell you. When you smoking and are high, then you fly in the sky.. I warn you that you fall into blackhole. Some people say the matter, a super massive black hole are existing in the center of the milky way galaxy. Now the guy, Ferdinand, has the black hole in the center of his soul. Better to die quickly, than slowly.

Serious Cat
2007